Fight for the right thing. Raise your voice. Don’t be scared.
Since I have become CTO of a respected rideshare company, I have been receiving enormous amount of connect requests on LinkedIn. Most of them are related to them wanting to do business with me, want me to mentor them or want me to help them use my network to find jobs. Adding professionals whom you have not met in real sounds perfectly fine in LinkedIn right ! I always add all the professionals who contact me on LinkedIn.
However this had a side effect as well. I started getting lots of requests for unnecessary friendships, coffee catchups and messages prompting I am beautiful etc in the messages. Messages like
You’re so beautiful ❤ ❤ 😍😘
I think these posts are totally inappropriate in any case where the recipient is completely unknown, but in LinkedIn it feels like its taken to next level. When you message someone on LinkedIn like this, you are showing your company values and I would never do business with you (indirectly your company) ever.
I posted this on my LinkedIn stating this is not ok and I had no idea my post will go viral. It had more than 250,000 views,10 shares, 1300 likes and about 500 comments. Lots of professionals commented that this is not okay and even they have faced this issue. Shows the scale of professionals getting these messages which are so inappropriate in professional networking sites as well.
Along with lots of supportive messages, I received mind blowing messages from people who does not believe in these kind of messages being inappropriate. In fact a few men accused me of posting a profile photo (which you can see in above image) saying that the photo is sexually provoking and hence I receive such messages. Some even said I am ugly. This one was the worst.
This made me realise, there is such a long battle to be won as a woman. I am an Indian and I have been grown up in an environment which is very male dominant. Whenever we had rapes in India, the woman who was raped was blamed often by politicians and other people because they think her cloths, her behaviour is the cause of her getting raped.
“I sit out here all day and see couples on the street holding hands, hugging. These are things that should happen behind closed doors. If the girl who was gang-raped had been making out with her friend on the bus, then that would have provoked the men who raped her,”
“But girls here can’t be like girls in the West. They have to dress decently and watch where they go, who they are with. If they don’t observe these restrictions, they are perceived negatively by men and will be at risk,”
“I couldn’t take it. It felt wrong. She sits in the back with a skirt so short her thighs show. Or she wears skin-tight leggings that make her look naked. I told my boss I’m not comfortable with her in the back dressed like that. From the village I come from, only disreputable women dress like this,”
“Government should encourage legalize Rape Without Violence Scheme (No Killing after Rape). Girls above 18 should be educated on rapes (i.e. girls should not deny sexual desires of men). Only then these type of things will not happen. It is foolishness that killing Veerappan will control smuggling, killing Laden will control terrorism. In the same way, “Nirbhaya Act” can’t control “Rapes with Violence”. Especially Indian girls should be aware of sex education (carrying condoms and dental dams after age of 18). Simple Logic….when the sexual desire is fulfilled men wouldn’t kill women. Government should pass a scheme something like this to control deaths after rape. Society, women organizations and government are frightening rapists with Nirbhaya Act, pepper spray etc. Rapists are not finding a way to get their bodily sexual desires and getting these killing thoughts. An evil thought provokes crime (killing). Better women should accept men’s sex.” — South Indian Movie Director
I saw severity of such post when my LinkedIn photo which is just a professional well groomed photo was to be blamed for me getting abusive inappropriate messages. However I am so glad I raised my voice. The post got attention and the guy who wrote sickening comment (which you can see in screenshot above) his company CEO sent me a message apologising and actions were taken against him.
“Hello Kruti, I would like to apologise profusely at the comments posted in response to your post by one of our employees Alex. His posts are wrong-minded, completely out of line, inappropriate and embarrassing. We will also be taking steps internally to address the issue. I have also asked that he delete his comment. Again, I am so sorry about this.”
This message is a testimonial that there are people who are against such inappropriate sickening thoughts and actions were taken against him. It is a great outcome of my post that was posted with an idea that people are more aware of behaviours. It is never ok objectify women specially in a professional network.
I wrote this entire post to show that the fight for right & fight for treating women nicely and respectfully is hard, exhausting and depressing but it can have a positive outcome. We have to raise awareness because as I said in the post, ignoring their messages provokes them to do it more. I received messages from girls who are scared of going out, network and share their expertise. My post encouraged them to not worry about them.
“Hey Kruti, I don’t know you, but I just wanted to let you know I have so much respect for you calling out the misogyny on this platform! As I’m somewhat new to my industry I’ve been scared to engage with people like this for fear of professional repercussions, but this is fantastic!”
What else can I ask for from my post? In the end I would like to say only one thing.
