Perceptions some people have about India & Women in India
I am an Indian girl and sometimes I get asked questions which I feel are not necessary or they are completely judgemental about who I am, the culture I belong to and the upbringing I have had. What I am going to say is with an intention that people understand Women has the right to be independent and people and their mentalities need to change, and it is irrelevant to specific cultures, regions and countries.
The day me and my sister were born, many of our family members cried, that God gave two daughters (twins) and didn’t give one boy. My parents were happy, they said their daughters will be way better and independent in their lives and will mark their names in the world, its ok we don’t need a boy for that. My parents invested whole of their life earnings and attention to educate and make both of us independent.
Years passed by and when I got married to my husband; Dhaval, he saw the same thing in me, he saw how passionate, independent, career oriented I am. I have been fortunate enough to have amazing family, standing by my side. One day when I was with my in-laws and I did cleaning in my house, my mother-in-law got really happy and was telling my father-in-law about it. He told my mother-in-law, “That is great but everyone can do it. She is a brilliant girl. She makes softwares. When she achieves something in her career be happy at that time.”
That was a bit of background about my upbringing and the family I belong from. Now starts what triggered me to write this article. I always tell my husband I hate Uber. Reason behind it is, I do not want to talk to drivers, the conversations with them is never productive. That is my judgement. Yesterday I was in Uber, heading to my office party. I was wearing a beautiful black gown. The Uber driver started a conversation as below,
He asked me, “Where I am headed dressing so gorgeous.”
I said, “I am going to my office party, it’s going to be big night.”
He asked me, “Are you from India.”
I said, “Yes.”
He said, “Are you going to ask your husband to join you in after party”
I said, “No its my office party, he wants me to enjoy with my colleagues and he does not know many people anyways.”
He said, “He should join you. Ask him to come and join after party because you don’t know what happens when you get drunk and what you might end up doing.”
I said, “He trusts me and wants me to be independent and make my own decisions. Whatever I will do he knows I have brains not to mess up. I think you don’t need to worry about it. Its none of your business and I am smart enough to know n do what I need to do.”
He said, “You are Indian, your culture is to be home, listen to your husband, take care of kids and be dependent on man in the house. You are loosing your Indian-ness being in this western country. I know how orthodox Indians are. One of the Indian gay guy I know was kicked out of the house when he said he is gay.”
I said, “Indian culture is not about that. You have made mistake understanding who we are. Being independent women doesn’t mean I am not Indian. About gay, if you don’t know same-sex marriage was made legal in Indian constitution 5 years ago, when Australia is still taking surveys for it.”
He said, “We Aussie guys are heading towards marrying Indian girls because we are bored of these Aussie girls who are independent and shit. You need to be a typical Indian girl. What has happened to you? This is all weird, when women works, and men stay home taking care of kids, or men cooking or men helping out in household chores. It’s against the nature. Women can’t take mens place. ”
That conversation was enough to trigger me. I said, “Excuse me, I think you need to grow up. Who says men working and women taking care of household and kids is defined by nature. It is both’s job and both has to be responsible for running a happy family. Weather it is financially, or taking care of babies.”
He said, “Does your parents know you think this way? Does your poor husband know you think this way? Did he know this before marriage? Be an Indian woman girl.”
By the time he finished that we had reached destination, and I told him before getting off car, “I feel sorry for your partner. She married a wrong guy.”
I know he is not the only one who is so judgemental about Indian culture or honestly any culture. India is a very rich country with its different cultures, languages, festivals and history. Orthodox people are everywhere around the world, and no-one should be questioned like this because of the nationality they hold.
I am nowhere telling this is racist to me or my community. I am least bothered about it. I have seen way better support in this country for me then hatred. I am just raising my voice as you shouldn’t generalise all women are meant to be housewives and men are meant to go out and work. But mainly what triggered me more is women empowerment and feminism shouldn’t be taken as annoying new thing that has started recently. It is women’s right as a human, to choose to be independent, have her own personality and be career oriented.
This is really appropriate quote for it.
“People only see what they are prepared to see.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Cheers to all the women. ❤️
P.S. : I had reported this incident to Uber and they have taken action against it. They are going to chat about this incident in the meeting and take relevant actions based on outcomes.
